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| SYMBOL OF PERSEVERANCE: Marcia Henville. –Photo: STEPHEN DOOBAY |
The murder of veteran journalist and television presenter Marcia
Henville has left an entire nation but more specifically the population
of professional women, advocates for women and activists for the at-risk
and vulnerable, deeply disturbed by this tragedy. If in fact her death
proves to be an act of domestic violence then what resonates with many
members of the public is the apparent paradox of her life. How can women
who are educated, respected and well-networked (a) end up in an abusive
relationship (b) stay in an abusive relationship and (c) fall victim to
such horrendous acts of violence?
The Rape Crisis Society and the
Coalition Against Domestic Violence continuously strive to debunk the
erroneous perceptions of who fits the profile of victim and perpetrator
of the scourge of domestic violence. While the population at large is
fed a diet of pamphlets, articles, documentaries, billboards and radio
shows about domestic violence, there are some undeniable facts that are
frequently swept under the proverbial carpet.
More often than not,
it is the unwillingness of the public to accept that being a trained
professional, being an advocate for the downtrodden, being a member of a
respected, well-to-do family does not preclude persons from being
victim or perpetrator, and this denial helps to reinforce the
misinformation that victims are uneducated and poverty-stricken and
perpetrators likewise.
In fact an example of this occurred during a series of radio programmes about sexual and domestic violence in which the Rape Crisis Society participated a few years ago. The discussion centred on the predicament that professional women face when they encounter domestic violence and the host appeared incredulous at this scenario. In his perplexed state, the discussion quickly morphed into debate, with the therapist trying to paint a picture which he just could not/would not entertain. The series came to a foreshortened, abrupt end.
The ugly truth is that all women are potential victims of domestic violence—be it physical, mental, financial or sexual. This is fact. While many perpetrators of domestic violence fit a particular profile of being possessive, unreasonable, distrusting with stalker-like behaviour and the tendency to isolate the victim, others simply do not, at first glance, exhibit these traits which makes it difficult for the untrained eye to see the warning signs and recognise the fatal danger to which victims become ensnared.
Both victims and perpetrators can be of any social class, any educational background and any ethnicity. Hence being a judge, lawyer, doctor or CEO does not exclude one from encountering difficult and abusive situations or perpetrating them.
Neither does it exclude one from the agony of having to make life-changing decisions for one and one’s children nor does it exclude one from the thoughts of potential shame and embarrassment about one’s reputation if the abuse were to be revealed. In fact, recent research has supported the very notion that has long gone underreported. Professional women who have better jobs and earn more than their spouses have an increased likelihood of being physically and mentally abused. Some explain that these emasculated spouses attempt to rebalance the shift in power by lowering her status in the relationship and reinstating traditional gender roles.
So you ask, ‘how can some women be bold, logical and well-connected in one sphere and in their private lives… be willing to tolerate abuse?” Victims of abuse often have factors which make them feel tied to the abuser. Quite often children, debt, love, co-dependency and the stability of routines keep a victim in the deadly limbo of staying versus leaving. In fact, some believe that staying is the only way of remaining alive, as the threat of death is real and even the most efficient justice system can offer little protection. This is often better understood by those who have either personally experienced such violence or those who have intimate knowledge of it. For others on the periphery, uninformed judgments are not only unhelpful but more so, dangerous to the already traumatised and abused woman.
So victims make choices. Some chose to report to the police and withstand the rigours of the justice system in addition to secondary victimisation by family and friends. Others chose to risk the shame and confide in others—a mother, a friend, a priest, a therapist. This may or may not help. An ultimatum by a seemingly helpful friend to leave him or help will no longer be offered only further isolates the victim. When friendships sour because of it, scornful lips might spew out ‘well…she like it so’ and ‘she look for it.” Counselling may begin a journey towards self-preservation, safety and healing. It can provide a safe space where venting and careful evaluation of options can occur. However, it is recommended that specialists in the field determine whether or not this can be accessed safely and if not, what are alternative options.
With regard to professional women who may be encountering abuse, we emphasise the need to seek intervention. If not in-person, then at least by phone, at first. Seek help secretly as far as is possible without increasing the risk of harm to oneself or loved ones.
For even the fearless deserve a space to cry, even the educated need to be reminded about the patterns of abuse, even the analytical need someone to render a different perspective, even the well-networked need a confidential, listening ear. At the end of the day, victims, like the rest of us, just want to keep a family together, develop a career and survive the challenges that life brings.
As women working together for a common cause, we cover our heads and mourn the loss of a champion. Marcia’s death must never be considered a defeat, but rather her life must be remembered as a symbol of the very spirit that it takes to persevere. Whatever her personal battles, she served a nation. She dared to cross borders, she brought comfort to suffering people and spoke out fearlessly. May God rest her soul and may justice prevail.
The Rape Crisis Society of Trinidad and Tobago and the Coalition Against Domestic Violence can be contacted for help at any time. Phone 627-7273, e-mail rapecrisistnt@yahoo.com.
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