Domestic Violence and the Professional Woman

Story Created: Feb 3, 2015 at 12:44 AM ECT

Story Updated: Feb 3, 2015 at 12:44 AM ECT

 

SYMBOL OF PERSEVERANCE: Marcia Henville. –Photo: STEPHEN DOOBAY

The murder of veteran journalist and television presenter Marcia Henville has left an entire nation but more specifically the population of professional women, advocates for women and activists for the at-risk and vulnerable, deeply disturbed by this tragedy. If in fact her death proves to be an act of domestic violence then what resonates with many members of the public is the apparent paradox of her life. How can women who are educated, respected and well-networked (a) end up in an abusive relationship (b) stay in an abusive relationship and (c) fall victim to such horrendous acts of violence?
 

The Rape Crisis Society and the Coalition Against Domestic Violence continuously strive to debunk the erroneous perceptions of who fits the profile of victim and perpetrator of the scourge of domestic violence. While the population at large is fed a diet of pamphlets, articles, documentaries, billboards and radio shows about domestic violence, there are some undeniable facts that are frequently swept under the proverbial carpet.
 

More often than not, it is the unwillingness of the public to accept that being a trained professional, being an advocate for the downtrodden, being a member of a respected, well-to-do family does not preclude persons from being victim or perpetrator, and this denial helps to reinforce the misinformation that victims are uneducated and poverty-stricken and perpetrators likewise.

In fact an example of this occurred during a series of radio programmes about sexual and domestic violence in which the Rape Crisis Society participated a few years ago. The discussion centred on the predicament that professional women face when they encounter domestic violence and the host appeared incredulous at this scenario. In his perplexed state, the discussion quickly morphed into debate, with the therapist trying to paint a picture which he just could not/would not entertain. The series came to a foreshortened, abrupt end.

The ugly truth is that all women are potential victims of domestic violence—be it physical, mental, financial or sexual. This is fact. While many perpetrators of domestic violence fit a particular profile of being possessive, unreasonable, distrusting with stalker-like behaviour and the tendency to isolate the victim, others simply do not, at first glance, exhibit these traits which makes it difficult for the untrained eye to see the warning signs and recognise the fatal danger to which victims become ensnared.

Both victims and perpetrators can be of any social class, any educational background and any ethnicity. Hence being a judge, lawyer, doctor or CEO does not exclude one from encountering difficult and abusive situations or perpetrating them.

Neither does it exclude one from the agony of having to make life-changing decisions for one and one’s children nor does it exclude one from the thoughts of potential shame and embarrassment about one’s reputation if the abuse were to be revealed. In fact, recent research has supported the very notion that has long gone underreported. Professional women who have better jobs and earn more than their spouses have an increased likelihood of being physically and mentally abused. Some explain that these emasculated spouses attempt to rebalance the shift in power by lowering her status in the relationship and reinstating traditional gender roles.

So you ask, ‘how can some women be bold, logical and well-connected in one sphere and in their private lives… be willing to tolerate abuse?” Victims of abuse often have factors which make them feel tied to the abuser. Quite often children, debt, love, co-dependency and the stability of routines keep a victim in the deadly limbo of staying versus leaving. In fact, some believe that staying is the only way of remaining alive, as the threat of death is real and even the most efficient justice system can offer little protection. This is often better understood by those who have either personally experienced such violence or those who have intimate knowledge of it. For others on the periphery, uninformed judgments are not only unhelpful but more so, dangerous to the already traumatised and abused woman.

So victims make choices. Some chose to report to the police and withstand the rigours of the justice system in addition to secondary victimisation by family and friends. Others chose to risk the shame and confide in others—a mother, a friend, a priest, a therapist. This may or may not help. An ultimatum by a seemingly helpful friend to leave him or help will no longer be offered only further isolates the victim. When friendships sour because of it, scornful lips might spew out ‘well…she like it so’ and ‘she look for it.” Counselling may begin a journey towards self-preservation, safety and healing. It can provide a safe space where venting and careful evaluation of options can occur. However, it is recommended that specialists in the field determine whether or not this can be accessed safely and if not, what are alternative options.

With regard to professional women who may be encountering abuse, we emphasise the need to seek intervention. If not in-person, then at least by phone, at first. Seek help secretly as far as is possible without increasing the risk of harm to oneself or loved ones.

For even the fearless deserve a space to cry, even the educated need to be reminded about the patterns of abuse, even the analytical need someone to render a different perspective, even the well-networked need a confidential, listening ear. At the end of the day, victims, like the rest of us, just want to keep a family together, develop a career and survive the challenges that life brings.

As women working together for a common cause, we cover our heads and mourn the loss of a champion. Marcia’s death must never be considered a defeat, but rather her life must be remembered as a symbol of the very spirit that it takes to persevere. Whatever her personal battles, she served a nation. She dared to cross borders, she brought comfort to suffering people and spoke out fearlessly. May God rest her soul and may justice prevail.

The Rape Crisis Society of Trinidad and Tobago and the Coalition Against Domestic Violence can be contacted for help at any time. Phone 627-7273, e-mail rapecrisistnt@yahoo.com. 

 

Source: http://www.trinidadexpress.com/featured-news/Domestic-violence-and--the-professional-woman-290612951.html

Teen Dating Violence Prevention Awareness Month

Be part of the conversation this month about healthy relationships.

Goodbye Marcia

...funeral held today for television personality

By the Multimedia Desk 

Story Created: Jan 30, 2015 at 10:13 AM ECT

Story Updated: Jan 30, 2015 at 4:22 PM ECT 

The casket bearing the body of television personality

Marcia Henville being wheeled into the Holiness Revival

Ministries, corner Baden Powell and French Streets,

Woodbrook Port of Spain today.

 

We said goodbye to television journalist Marcia Henville today.
Her funeral took place at the Holiness Revival Ministries, corner Baden Powell and French Streets, Woodbrook Port of Spain.

Her body was interred at the Tunapuna Public Cemetery, Tunapuna.

Murdered: Marcia Henville

There will be a wake at the St. James Amphitheatre, Western main road, St. James from 7p.m.

Henville was killed at her home at Fidelis Heights, St Augustine soime time between last Frikday night and Saturday morning, when fire fighters responded to a report of a fire coming from her bedroom.

They found her burnt body. The pathologist discovered the following day that Henville had been stabbed Multiple times, her throat cut, and she had been beaten on the head.

Henville's two children, Chioke and Nikeiya, 16 who were also home at the time of the incident were not injured. A relative is a person of interest in the case. He is expected to be interviewed by police, after permission is given by doctors treating him for burns.

On January 10 last year, Henville told a Tunapuna Magistrate she had been assaulted, choked and punched by a close male relative.

The relative also threatened her, Henville said.Henville said over the past three years the relative had persistently used annoying and abusive language against her.

She gave the court two specific dates in the recent past when incidents of domestic violence occurred against her.The relative told the court it was Henville who occasionally slapped, scraped and assaulted him.
She used to threaten him, he said.

One week later both Henville and the close male relative withdrew the claims they filed against each other. Magistrate Halcyon Yorke-Young admonished them both to keep the peace.

Two days before Henville withdrew her domestic violence claim from the Tunapuna Magistrates' Court she went to the Port of Spain Magistrates' Court to lend support to her son Chioke.

On January 15 last year Chioke appeared before Port of Spain Magistrate Melvin Daniel on five charges including possession of a shotgun and eight rounds of ammunition.

Chioke was also charged with breaching a no entry sign, driving without a valid permit and driving without insurance. The offences against Chioke were alleged to have taken place on January 13 last year.

Henville was scheduled to file divorce papers on Monday.

Source: http://www.trinidadexpress.com/news/Goodbye-Marcia-290321031.html

Killer Accused Victims of Infidelity

By Nalinee Seelal Sunday, January 25 2015

In her killer’s mind, Salma Chadee was unfaithful and deserved to die.

Chadee, 19, was shot dead last Saturday at her home in Caroni.

Eight months before, her killer made a similar accusation against his first victim, Sherlene Mahangoo-Charles whom he also shot dead in her home in Tarodale.

Relatives of both women saw no sign the man, whom it is said loved them, would end their lives without remorse.

So jealous was the man, that he believed his latest victim used her family to go out with her so she could meet someone else. He carefully planned her death.

He went to Chadee’s home armed with a gun and during a quarrel over her alleged infidelity shot her.

With his lower legs, broken in an accident, in casts the killer crawled down the steps of Chadee’s two-storey home and had an accomplice lift him over a wall, since the gate was locked, and placed him in a waiting car where he was taken into hiding.

The police continued their search for the suspect and his accomplice over the past days, but have been unsuccessful.

Before their relationship, Chadee worked in a bar and was well liked because of her friendly, outgoing nature. Some patrons said she had “rich, well-known friends” and was “close to influential people” and at times she had large sums of money.

But she left the bar for unknown reasons and became involved with the suspect last April. She had a young son, now 11-months-old, from a previous relationship.

He moved in with her at the family home on Chadee Street, Caroni. It was only last month that the man got into a motorbike accident and broke his legs. A relative helped her to take the man to a nursing home in St Augustine, and Chadee used a credit card to pay for his medical treatment.

Arrangements were also made for a doctor and nurse to provide private care at their home.

While he was recovering, the man became suspicious of Chadee whenever she went out on errands or with friends. He began threatening her, sources said.

“He was extremely jealous of Salma and we now know that he planned to kill her, because of how this thing happened and the car that was waiting to take him away,” a source told Sunday Newsday.

But did Chadee know this man was a killer?

Head of the North Eastern Division Task Force Inspector Roger Alexander has suggested so, accusing Chadee’s relatives of harbouring the criminal.

He claims on the night of Chadee’s murder, attempts were made to conceal the crime by relatives who first insisted it was robbery gone wrong, but after investigations the truth was revealed.

“They knew who this man was, but they preferred to keep it quiet, and now that Salma is dead their story keeps changing all the time, but this is a lesson for all families in this country to understand that when you harbour a criminal in your home that criminal would one day turn on you and like the old people continue to say, who don’t hear will have to feel,” he warned.

“I am again begging members of the public to desist from harbouring criminals at your home, for even though they may be providing quick cash and supporting your home financially out of ill gotten means, they will one day also turn on you, so who don’t want to hear may end up like Salma.”

Source: http://www.newsday.co.tt/crime_and_court/0,206049.html

Murdered teen’s mom on wheelchair killer: He was a good boy’

Jensen La Vende

Published: Thursday, January 22, 2015

 

Joe Mohammed

The man who is now a person of interest in the murders of teenaged mother Salma Chadee and Sherlene Mahangoo-Charles yesterday was  described as a quiet, fun-loving man who never displayed any violent tendencies, by Chadee’s mother Waheida Khan-Chadee.

According to police, the man is wanted for questioning in connection with the killing of his estranged wife, Mahangoo-Charles, who was shot multiple times on May 8 last year. The man, who goes by the alias “Goat”, is still on the run and has been deemed as the Central Division’s most wanted man by the divisional head Supt Johnny Abraham. It is alleged following an argument on Saturday night the man shot Chadee twice in the chest and escaped.

Khan-Chadee spoke to the T&T Guardian yesterday at her Chadee Street, La Paille Village, Caroni, home. She said the man was respectful to the family and at no time were they ever suspicious of him. She dispelled reports by the police that the villagers as well as the family knew the man was wanted by them.

“How would we have known that he was wanted by the police? We was not suspecting anything. We used to look at Crime Watch and Beyond the Tape and I never see anything about him. Who suspecting anything if he out in the public? It’s not like his picture was posted all about,” Khan-Chadee said.

She added: “Before he broke the foot he was walking around normal, going to the bar all over the place like normal. What was left for me to do? I could not have dreamt he was so. They never called no names when they said he was living with a woman in Caroni so how I was to know. He told us he was Joe Mohammed. Only when I was in that station that the police told me who he was and he did so and so.”

The man, following an accident in November last year broke both of his legs and uses a wheelchair to get around. His legs from just beneath the knees to the toes are in a cast. “If he had gotten in an accident how he reach in the hospital? Why didn’t the police arrest him when he got in the accident? So if police didn’t know who he was, how will I know who he is?” Khan-Chadee questioned.

Asked about her interactions with the man Khan-Chadee said: “He was so pleasant and quiet, he only started to stay here when his legs were broken. He was doing good. We didn’t have a problem, not until that day. He never acted violently. “I don’t know if he thought he had a future or wanted a future with my daughter. He used to sleep on my couch. I think my daughter felt sorry for him.”

She said the man she knew as Joe Mohammed used to lime with her daughter and other mutual friends at various bars in the area. When asked what might have triggered him, Khan-Chadee said she was not sure. “I don’t know what trip him off. Maybe she tell him she can’t take care of him anymore. He was getting possessive of her. She couldn’t go out with whoever she wanted and he didn’t like that.

He should have said he don’t want to stay here no more and get up and go but don’t shoot my daughter. She didn’t do him anything wrong” she said. Khan-Chadee said she was standing next to her daughter and holding her grandson Noah, Salma’s 11-month-old, when the shooting took place. She said her daughter was shot twice in the chest.

Source: http://www.guardian.co.tt/news/2015-01-22/murdered-teen%E2%80%99s-mom-wheelchair-killer-he-was-good-boy%E2%80%99

Practicing Healthy Relationships

By Kendra Gritsch
January 13, 2015

We talk a lot about healthy relationships, we memorize the do’s and the don’ts, we vow to do it right. But even when we know what we are supposed to do, when it comes to real-life circumstances with real people it can get complicated and messy.

For many years, whenever I would visit my family it was inevitable that my father and I would get into a massive disagreement, mostly over politics. I’d take the liberal side, he’d take the conservative side, we’d dig in our heels and try to convince the other person that they had it all wrong. Obviously, this didn’t work out well; usually it would end with me leaving the room in tears. It reached a point where I just wanted to shut down and not engage at all. I give my father a lot of credit, he realized I was checking out and decided that things had to change. He didn’t want our differences to get in the way of our relationship. And I wanted to share who I was as a whole person with my own thoughts and opinions. So we made some ground rules. We agreed to listen to each other, to respectfully disagree, to find common ground. We put love and respect for each other first.

I’m the first to say that our system isn’t perfect, we’ve had to revise and revisit. But we always go back to the ground rules and remind ourselves that a good relationship is our top priority. Because of our efforts my relationship with my father is better and—to the shock of my entire family—we can have tough conversations and still be smiling after.

I believe this strategy is applicable across situations; I’ve applied it to my relationship with my partner. I’ve made a commitment to resolving conflict, creating a system that works for both parties, and making sure each person is being heard and respected, despite differences. It isn’t simple or easy, but it’s doable.

Source: http://canyourelate.org/2015/01/13/practicing-healthy-relationships/

Does Domestic Violence Actually Rise During the Holidays?

Photo via Flickr user West Midlands Police

January 2, 2015

By Kristen Gwynne

As they often do, local media outlets in several states warned of a spike in domestic violence this holiday season. The phenomenon is not confined to the United States. Last January, for instance, London's Metropolitan Police commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe told the Daily Mail that an increase in domestic violence injuries in the last quarter of 2013 "could be linked to Christmas," elaborating, "You can imagine that when people are at home more there is more opportunity for domestic situations."

Yet despite many-a-tale about the dark side of the celebratory season marking the end of each year, interviews with advocates focused on reducing domestic violence suggest the idea that people are more likely to abuse their loved ones during the holidays is a myth.

Actually, the opposite may be true.

According to Norma Mazzei, Operations Director at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH), "We have data that supports the opposite. We do not have an increase in calls during holidays—in fact, sometimes it's a little bit decreased."

Mazzei and others close to the issue share a general consensus that domestic violence does not increase nationally over the holidays, even if it might in a handful of places at specific times.

For instance, a 2005 study on domestic violence reported to police in Idaho found 2.7 times more reported incidents of domestic violence on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day than the normal daily average, though rises in the summer were also reported. And a 2010 study analyzing calls to law enforcement "in a large US city" found an increase in domestic violence calls on some holidays, most notably on New Year's Day, but also on Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Labor Day.

"It's kind of all over the place," Kim Pentico of the National Network to End Domestic Violence told me. "It sort of depends on who you ask, and when."

Pentico and Mazzei agree that spikes in some localities are likely due to a host of variables and are an exception rather than a rule.

"Although there continues to be a common perception that domestic violence increases during the holidays, available research on such a link is still limited and inconclusive," a 2014 report from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence reads. "Information on the number of calls received by the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) for the past ten years indicates that the number of calls drops dramatically during the holidays, including on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day."

Pentico said a rise in domestic violence often actually occurs after the holidays, "when everything's settled down a bit."

Despite the data, because holiday traditions involve familial gatherings, financial stress, and alcohol consumption, the idea that domestic violence spikes under these conditions has a tempting logic to it.

Michelle Kaminsky, chief of the Domestic Violence Bureau under Brooklyn District Attorney Ken Thompson, said that her district did not see a rise in domestic violence over the holidays from 2011-2013, and offered one possible factor—"What the holidays are supposed to be about: family, togetherness, happiness"—to help explain why spikes do not occur, and violence may even go down.

Kaminsky said the assumed festive nature of the holidays could play a role in either discouraging reporting of violent incidents, or encouraging good behavior in abusive relationships. "I don't know what the numbers mean. It could be that people aren't reporting, and in fact violence is going on," Kaminsky said, adding the caveat, "It could be that people are on their best behavior during the holidays. It's really hard to say."

Pentico said that reported spikes in domestic violence in some localities may be linked more to spontaneous acts of familial violence than what she called an "advocate's definition of intimate partner violence."

Say, for example, two sisters had been drinking and got into fight, prompting law enforcement to arrive at their home. "It's considered domestic because [they] are family," said Pentico, "but not what an advocate would define as domestic violence within an intimate partner relationship because it is not a pattern of coercive behavior used to intimidate and threaten another person."

"An advocate's definition of domestic violence is one person's intimidation and threats over another to gain and maintain power and control," she added. A "domestic" tag on a police report for a violent crime implies a relationship, but not a pattern.

So while discordant definitions of domestic violence could help make sense of reported upticks in some areas, the conflation of risk factors—like alcohol, financial hard-times, and proximity to potential abusers—with root causes of domestic violence helps drive the presumption that domestic violence must go up over the holidays.

"We want to be careful about leading people down a path that stress or an increase in drinking causes domestic violence," said Pentico, "Certainly, we know that stress and alcohol and poverty increase risks [of domestic violence], but they are not causes."

Pentico added that the end of an abusive relationship is the most dangerous, because when a victim plans to leave, "That power has been threatened." There is nothing inherent to the holidays that jeopardizes an abuser's grip on the victim. On the contrary, the nature of the season may actually make victims less likely to leave or challenge their abusers.

"A lot of times we hear anecdotally from survivors that they're doing everything they can to keep the peace [over the holidays]—not to imply they control the violence by any means," Pentico said. "They're ingratiating as much as possible, and then once the holidays are over, it all kind of breaks down, and the violence will erupt again, or at least the fear. Sometimes they'll stay through the holidays just to give their kids a holiday home."

During the holidays, when the NDVH reports a drop in calls, Mazzei said it is "common for people to reach out to us for support to feel like they can make it through the holiday season without having to return to an abusive relationship."

A more common experience of a domestic violence survivor over the holidays is not an increase in abuse but the challenges in leaving, which persist year-long.

"Love for someone, even if a person has been abusive to you, does not disappear overnight," said Mazzei, who adds that the not-necessarily-contradictory feelings of love and pain are there throughout the year, but may intensify during holidays. "Now you have children asking for their father or mother, even if s/he was an abusive partner," she said. Mazzei emphasized that children's desire to be with their parents is one reason victims consider staying in or returning to an abusive relationship.

"Anyone who's left an abusive relationship is struggling to figure out if they made right decision, especially if they have children, or don't have employment or [other financial] resources," she said. These are "things that any victim on any day is going through," but Mazzei notes that the holidays might heighten the stress "because it is a time when you're focusing on family traditions" and leaving an abuser might mean the breaking-up of a once "traditional," or nuclear, family.

Likewise, "[Access to] financial resources is a problem that intensifies during holidays, when you want to buy gifts for your children," said Mazzei, adding that, like most obstacles to ending an abusive relationship, this challenge persists "throughout the year," including, for example, in September, "when you want to buy your children school clothes."

Rather than espouse misguided concern that domestic violence may increase over the holidays, it's better to consider how to support victims during a trying time of the year.

Pentico notes that because one in four women experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime, it is important to "be careful what you say" around the holidays, when relatives may be victims silently struggling with pain and tough decisions. "As women, we say, 'If a man ever hits me, I'm out of here' as a statement of power. But what it tells women who have been hurt is, I'm better than you... something is flawed with you. "

"I think people always say 'Why does she stay?' And we're not asking 'Why does he hit her? If he dislikes her so much, why doesn't he leave?'"

The answer, Pentico said, is "[Abuse is] effective... He's gaining something by staying."

"The big picture is, you know, patriarchy," said Pentico. Not the holidays. 

Source:  http://www.vice.com/read/does-domestic-violence-actually-rise-during-the-holidays-1201

Justice Ministry launches crime Victims’ Handbook

By Camille Hunte

Story Created: Dec 16, 2014 at 9:18 PM ECT

Story Updated: Dec 16, 2014 at 9:18 PM ECT

 

 

Access by clicking here

The Ministry of Justice yesterday launched Trinidad and Tobago’s first-ever Victims’ Handbook during a ceremony at the ministry’s head office at Tower C, International Waterfront Centre, Wrightson Road, Port of Spain.

The handbook provides information on a range of services available to victims of crime, including where they can access counselling, legal aid, and health care.

It also includes information on victims’ rights and how individuals may be eligible for financial and other assistance to help with recovery costs.

Additionally, the booklet provides information on how the criminal justice system in Trinidad and Tobago works, from the time a crime is reported to the police, to when a matter is completed in the courts.

Speaking at yesterday’s event, Minister of Justice Emmanuel George said the handbook heralds the advancement of a more caring and considerate system that connects victims and their loved ones to the information they need to heal and move on.

The handbook is a step toward the development and implementation of a restorative justice system, rather than the current retributive system, George said.

“Restorative justice is an approach to reconciling the harm caused by crime in a manner that promotes accountability and rehabilitation for offenders and healing for victims and communities,” George said. “Under a retributive system, however, the goal is mainly to punish and incarcerate the perpetrator.

“There is perhaps nothing worse than being traumatised in the first instance by a crime perpetrated against you and then being made a victim time and time again as a result of the lack of proper support and care,” he added.

George also announced the ministry is in the process of drafting a Restorative Justice policy.

 

Source: http://www.trinidadexpress.com/news/Justice-Ministry-launches-crime-Victims-Handbook-286032071.html